My mom passed away recently. She is on my mind every day. How does that relate to a tea blog? It’s an important part of my personal tea story. It was the end of a very long adventure the two of us lived together. She was born into a family of eight siblings to young immigrants who somehow managed to raise nine children with only her father working outside the home and bringing in an income.
She left my grandparents’ home and went directly into marriage without working outside the home herself. She was a tiny little thing and I often felt more like her protector than she mine. She had no “worldliness” about her. She was as innocent as a young girl her entire life, with no bumps or bruises of major consequence, and no outside connections other than church friends, family and neighbors. Dad made sure nothing rattled her world. Pity anyone who tried.
Mom and I could not have been more different. We looked nothing alike and we thought nothing alike – yet we were always extremely close. She could not understand my affinity for business and adventure anymore than I could understand hers – with home and hearth and children being all that was needed for her complete worldly fulfillment.
Over the years, however, she really enjoyed watching what I got into out in the big ol’ world, in a series of business adventures, and none more than the tea years – her last years. We grew up on instant iced tea in a jar, and she had the occasional box of stale tea bags somewhere in the back of the cupboard which no one drank unless they were sick with a cold.
When I was putting together the sourcing and recipes for my first tea business, begun with a partner, she was one of my most enthusiastic and honest ‘taste testers’. She was absolutely amazed at loose leaf tea and how different it tasted from the instant and bags she had experienced. She especially enjoyed the variety of specialty iced teas and sipping my “concoctions.” She had her very first latte made right on my tea-stained kitchen-cum-laboratory counter.
When we opened our first store, my husband drove her up to the mountain resort to see it for herself. She had been so excited to go, but came back saying she didn’t like my partner’s husband and didn’t trust him. Surprising, because Mom was not one to say anything judgmental about people. Soon afterwards we got the letter that they wanted me out of the business. They kept the money they had asked me to put in, and the recipes I’d worked so long and hard on, but they didn’t need me anymore. Mom never said, “I told you so.” But, as usual, she had a sense of things before many others.
She was again one of my taste-testers when I started over from scratch, coming up with newer – and better – recipes than before. She loved to tell people about her daughter’s latest adventure in business. She encouraged me when my husband and I opened our own store, and loved to visit and talk with customers. This was about the time we began to notice that Mom was having some problems and might have challenges living alone as she had for many years since Dad had passed away.
About nine months after we opened that store, my mom, indeed, was not able to live alone and, in the last two years, required full-time nursing care.
I feel like I have lost my best girlfriend, and I am so happy I was able to share the ‘tea adventure’ with my tiny, guileless, little Mom and make her a part of the journey.
I’m always fascinated by family stories. Perhaps that’s why I started my life as a psychologist. The dynamics of mothers and daughters can be quite challenging over the years. It sounds like your mom was very special in that she accepted the fact that you were quite different from her and didn’t let those difference stand between you. I am blessed to still have my mom living independently at 95. She also is very different from me. I remember when I decided to keep my maiden name, back in 1971 when I married my high school sweet heart – she felt that for sure my marriage would not survive such an insult. Fortunately she was wrong about that. She too has enjoyed my tea journey and can go to the computer at the club house and “check out” my blog periodically. It gives her a lot of pleasure. She now keeps wonderful tea in her cabinet but still requires them to be in tea bag form for her convenience. Smith tea is her current favorite. When I visit her twice annually (she lives in Florida and me in the pacific northwest) I always take out the tea pot and make whole leaf but she just doesn’t seem to notice the difference. I know that the elderly have decreased taste sensations so that must account for it. I tend to call her every morning while I’m enjoying my second cup of tea. My first cup is for me.
I am so sorry to hear that your mom has passed away. I can only imagine the hole that has been left by her absence. It sounds like she was a special woman whose memories you will hold dear throughout the rest of your life. I believe she’ll be there waiting for you, when it’s your time to make the final journey.
Beautiful story and wonderful words. I lost my own mother in 2006 to ALS and she was my confidant, my friend, and my teacher. Her own love of tea was simple but was quietly inspiring and when I fell down the rabbit hole and became a tea nerd, it was a silent bond we shared. The loss is felt everyday…but in the warmth of your story I can feel the depth of what you speak. My best wishes as you navigate the loss as well as celebrate the memories.
Shawn and Michelle, thank you both for those really beautiful personal stories. Yes, I could feel them deep down and it brings comfort to know you opened your hearts to share. It sounds like all three of us were blessed in the ‘Mom’ department. I’ll carry your thoughts with me. Thank you so much.
I just read your blog and it brought tears to my eyes. I remember Aunt Rose as being a very kind and gentle soul also. I believe it ran in the family as I remember all 9 siblings being kind and sweet. I just recently told my mom that the one thing I loved most about her was that she never spoke badly about my siblings to me. She has always kept what ever frustrations she felt to herself. She is the love of my life and I cherish every phone conversation and visit that we share. So sorry cousin, I have missed your mom for a long time also. She is happy now, I can feel it. By the way, I too am a tea drinker, maybe not everyday but very often.
Dear Debbie…When I sent info on how to get to T Ching in responding to your beautiful card, I never dreamed you would post here. I hope we can see eachother someday again…life goes too fast! How cool that you are here, and our website is caltcb.com We’ve been in the tea business for over a decade. Mom even gave in passing this gift of connection for us. Michele and Regena, this is my younger cousin who I haven’t seen in many years! I told her about the tribute to Mom here.
That was such a wonderful story. I had tears in my eyes after reading it. You are a terrific person and I can understand missing your Mom. I miss my Mom so much. Keep up the good work you are doing with tea.
Thank you, Susan. Very kind of you to take the time to write that..it means something to me that you did.
I almost did a double-take when I saw the title of your post and the old Lipton tea bag photo. My mother also passed away recently and we consumed more than a few cups of this stuff during that last year of her life. Her Lipton habit is what got me into tea originally (although my tastes have expanded considerably over time.)
Has anyone else noticed that these classic paper-wrapped Lipton tea bags are defunct? Last fall they started rolling out the new packaging and the tea itself in these new packages also seem to be a different blend – of considerably lesser quality.
I’ve had to visit our local mini-marts to pick up a couple of boxes of the old stuff before it is gone for good. The turnover is slower there and they haven’t yet acquired the newer version. The classic Lipton is all gone out of the supermarkets – except for the loose leaf version. I haven’t tried the pyramid line yet so maybe that resembles the old blend? The new paper bags are disappointing all the way around. A bit of a synchronicity that mom and Lipton tea both shuffle off the mortal coil at the same time!