Dear Aunt Tea,
As a graduation gift to our youngest daughter, my wife and I presented her with an all-expenses-paid trip to the 2014 Tea Expo in Long Beach at the end of this month. She sent us a text thanking us profusely, saying, “I’m going to find myself a good macho man!” I hate to be judgmental, but isn’t finding a macho man at a tea expo about as likely as wading in the surf at the top of Mt. McKinley? Emmy (not her real name) is well-educated, attractive, and on the liberal side of the political spectrum. Should we be worried?
Wondering in Wichita
Emmy is looking for a MATCHA man, which is quite likely at a tea expo. Matcha and macho are not synonymous, but the auto-correct on her iPhone doesn’t know that. (Some of my best friends are matcha men.) If Emmy finds an unattached matcha man at the tea expo, it could be a marvelous match! Auntie
Dear Aunt Tea,
I just found out that the kindly, grandmotherly lady across the street has been feeding my twin seven year-olds green tea after school! I don’t know whether to be overjoyed or mortified. Bea (not her real name) cares for the twins in her home from the time they get off the school bus until my wife gets home from work, about three hours every day. The kids love her, and they do get all their homework done. Isn’t there a lot of caffeine in green tea? I read someplace that tea has more caffeine than coffee, and the last thing my kids need to be is all ramped up. On the other hand, they don’t ever act ramped up and they adore “Aunt Bea,” as they call her. What should I do?
Dad in Denver
Dear Denver Dad,
You should send a dozen roses and a box of green tea kit kats to Aunt Bea as soon as you finish reading this column! You should be overjoyed – as long as the children’s intake is limited to four to six ounces (1/2 to 3/4 cup) each day, green tea is very good for kids. Good for their teeth and immune systems, it also improves concentration, which is at least part of the reason why the kids get their homework done when they are supervised by Aunt Bea. Because of the additional nutritional compounds in green tea, the caffeine does not produce coffee-like jitters. As far as the fuzzy math surrounding the relative amounts of caffeine in coffee and tea, I’ll let you read the science for yourself. Do tell Aunt Bea that she has a fan in Aunt Tea, and thank your lucky tea leaves that you have such a savvy childcare provider. Auntie
Have a tea-related problem? If you live with a tea hoarder or are looking for a tea romance, check here; tea, pets, and more marital advice can be found here; if you live with a tea bore, this post will help you cope; and if bad tea is disturbing your sleep, you can find help here. If you don’t find the answers you need, PLEASE send a note to Aunt Tea (firstname.lastname@example.org) and Auntie will advise you. In the meantime, keep drinking the good stuff!