If you are an above-grade-school student, you are probably no stranger to the horrors of too much homework and evil teachers, and know that “free time” is just a baseless rumor.

 

No matter how busy you are, however, there should always be time for tea.  Tea is a necessity of life, and you should not deprive yourself of it.  No matter how difficult, you should make sure that you get your fill of tea during the school day.  Here is a guide:

 

First off, always carry teabags with you.  Loose-leaf leaf is higher-quality tea, but there just isn’t enough time, and it saves you the trouble of a brew basket.  You will also microwave the water most of the time, instead of boiling it on the stovetop.  That isn’t ideal either, but hey, you do what you gotta do.  This is not necessarily in chronological order, so adapt the instructions at will.

 

Zero Period/Before School Class

 

If you take a class before school – probably orchestra, choir, wind ensemble, or something of the sort – then you need tea twice as badly to keep you awake all morning.  Go to the back of the room, and use your teacher’s microwave to heat tap water from the school bathroom in the handy mug that you should already be carrying with you.  Since you are new to this, you won’t have a mug.  A classmate’s refillable water bottle will do.

 

The classmate’s refillable water bottle melts in the microwave, and the smell of burning plastic alerts your classmates and the instructor.  You spend the rest of the period outside, after hearing the instructor bellow at you about having to buy a new microwave.  Take this opportunity to contemplate the tea campaign you’ve been planning.

 

Homeroom

 

If you don’t have homeroom, disregard this part.

 

Your teacher will take attendance, and while she is distracted, take the opportunity to sneak into the office and take the vice principal’s tea.  Mmmmm, peppermint.

 

Drink the vice principal’s tea on the way back to class.  Unfortunately, the teacher noticed that you went missing.  Double unfortunately, she also noticed that you entered the classroom at the beginning of the school day.  DETENTION!

 

Social Studies/History

 

This teacher has a microwave also.  Borrow the cup on his desk.  He usually keep pens in it, but it will serve your intended purpose.  Turn the cup upside-down and shake out all dust, dead bugs, and other trash.  Dash outside to the water fountain and fill up the mug, and then microwave the water in the microwave at the back of the room.  As you are taking the first sip, the teacher notices your antics, and sends you the vice principal’s office.  The vice principal recognizes you as “the little twerp who waltzed off with my tea this morning”, so you are in double trouble.  This yields in another detention and lunch duty.

 

Technology

 

You may or may not take this class.  If you don’t, please stand by; your instructions are coming up next.

 

The technology teacher has no microwave, and there is absolutely no way out the door without attracting attention.  You’ll have to settle for the teacher’s sub-par, lukewarm coffee.  Alas, you spill the coffee on the keyboard.

 

The teacher shrieks about how you have no respect for people’s property.  Your citizenship grade drops drastically, and the remainder of the period is spent hosing off the keyboard behind the classroom.

 

Science

 

Refer to the situation in Technology; except this time you spill coffee on the microscope instead.  Note that this teacher flings stuff.  At her students.  Namely you.  DUCK!

 

Math

 

Do boring Algebra or Geometry or Trigonometry or Calculus stuff.  Try to use the teacher’s coffee maker to brew tea.  You fail, and the loud noise of the boiling water spilling out of the coffee maker alerts the teacher.  The teacher makes you go to the vice principal’s office.  Déjà vu.

 

PE (Physical Education)

 

Grudgingly throw on gym clothing.  Run a lap.  Do exercises.  Listen to your teacher drone on about serving the volleyball.  Interrupt and ask when tea time is.  The teacher makes you run a lap.  Ask another tea-related question.  The teacher makes you run another lap.  Raise your hand to ask another question; the teacher makes you run a lap before you can ask it.  Bad teacher.

 

Lunch

 

Borrow the electric tea kettle from the teachers’ lounge.  Now is the time to brew that loose-leaf tea.  Take your time, ‘cause no one is going to care where the tea kettle went.  Well, that’s what you think until your third cup of tea is ever so rudely spilled by none other that Mr. Vice Principal, who clearly has it out for you.  Make a mental note to file a complaint with the school board.

 

You have the pleasure of being given a note home, and getting another detention.

 

English

 

You are learning something about sentence structure and essay writing, but that is unimportant.  Very unimportant.

 

The teacher conveniently already has a steaming mug of water.  All you have to do is drop your teabag in, and presto!  You have your tea.

 

Plan fails.  The teacher is not a dum-dum.  You are caught red-handed, although fortunately you have consumed most of your tea already.  The teacher punishes you by making you write the sentence “I am a bumbling idiot with teabags for brains.”  One hundred times.  Noooooooo!

 

Elective Class, Like Spanish or Something

 

You can refer to Technology, History, or Math instructions.  Unless you’re me.

 

I conveniently take a Special Projects class, in which I am part of our elite, ten-person-only History Day Team.  No homework involved, and the teacher is also a tea fanatic with an unbearably cute puppy.  No restrictions on tea drinking in the classroom, and get this: my teacher has an electric teapot/tea maker thingy.  That is awesome.

 

We two tea lovers are planning a tea party tentatively set for next Friday.  More about that next month.

 

So, it’s the end of the school day.  You have three detentions, numerous visits to the principal’s office, extra homework, and a note to explain to your parents.  You also owe the school a new microwave.  Looks like you won’t be ordering any exotic teas from China anytime soon.  Oh well, at least you filled your daily tea quota.

 

Alternate Solution

 

Or you can suck it up, like I do every day, and wait until you get home to drink your tea.  It isn’t easy, but it sure beats buying that new microwave.

 

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