The Christmas Crunch is on. All that shopping I did in October, before the headlines told me how truly poor I was, means nothing now that I am facing THE DREADED WEEK BEFORE CHRISTMAS.
Even with my new-found meditation techniques and my therapist’s mantra “simplify, simplify”, this is gonna be a 3-pot-day. Three pots of tea, that is. English Breakfast to wake up, Earl Grey to nurse while I shop on-line, and finally, Sleepy-Time to Bring Me Down.
Thank God for the Internet, though. So many unique and “special” gifts – all lurking just one tea-drunk click away.
Already I have the perfect gifts for my bachelor uncle: Talking Toilet Paper Roll and Nose Shower Gel Dispenser. Good thing he has a niece like me to bring him the finer things in life. For my mom: The Laughing Cow.
But then, maybe it is too soon after last year’s Dancing BBQ Chicken (the life-size rubber replica leaps to life and performs to “Hot Hot Hot” on a grill)… NAH! You can never have too many break-dancing animals.
I am fully awake by now, as the first pot of tea has done its job and it is time to choose something from my cellar that is more conducive to a Level Head. I think I’ll brew some Earl Grey and see what’s out there for The Kids, since all I have so far are Yodeling Pickles.
Aha! Right away I am rewarded: Remote Control Tarantula. Life-size AND furry. Hmmm. Maybe not after the animated reaction I got from Swimming Pool Croc (with solar-powered glowing eyes) and Remote Control Snake. I wonder where the home video of THAT ended up. Ah, but here is a winner: Flying Pigs. It says they fly 50 feet across the room, joyfully oinking all the way. But, uh-oh, could that plush pink snout put out an eye? Maybe too dangerous. Don’t want to be a Cautionary Tale on Oprah. At least not twice in a lifetime.
I am so excited. This is going so well. Maybe this is the year I can Make A Memory with my three-year-old grandson – check out this life-sized doll of Yoda Santa. Don’t you think it’s just the COOLEST?!
NOW I can relax with some Sleepy-Time…