The Christmas Crunch is on.  All that shopping I did in October, before the headlines told me how truly poor I was, means nothing now that I am facing THE DREADED WEEK BEFORE CHRISTMAS.

Christmas teaEven with my new-found meditation techniques and my therapist’s mantra “simplify, simplify”, this is gonna be a 3-pot-day.  Three pots of tea, that is.  English Breakfast to wake up, Earl Grey to nurse while I shop on-line, and finally, Sleepy-Time to Bring Me Down.

Thank God for the Internet, though.  So many unique and “special” gifts – all lurking just one tea-drunk click away.

Already I have the perfect gifts for my bachelor uncle: Talking Toilet Paper Roll and Nose Shower Gel Dispenser.  Good thing he has a niece like me to bring him the finer things in life.  For my mom: The Laughing Cow

But then, maybe it is too soon after last year’s Dancing BBQ Chicken (the life-size rubber replica leaps to life and performs to “Hot Hot Hot” on a grill)… NAH!  You can never have too many break-dancing animals.

I am fully awake by now, as the first pot of tea has done its job and it is time to choose something from my cellar that is more conducive to a Level Head.  I think I’ll brew some Earl Grey and see what’s out there for The Kids, since all I have so far are Yodeling Pickles.

Aha!  Right away I am rewarded: Remote Control Tarantula.  Life-size AND furry.  Hmmm.  Maybe not after the animated reaction I got from Swimming Pool Croc (with solar-powered glowing eyes) and Remote Control Snake.  I wonder where the home video of THAT ended up.  Ah, but here is a winner: Flying Pigs.  It says they fly 50 feet across the room, joyfully oinking all the way.  But, uh-oh, could that plush pink snout put out an eye?  Maybe too dangerous.  Don’t want to be a Cautionary Tale on Oprah.  At least not twice in a lifetime.

But now that I have found projectiles, I see the PERFECT gift for my dedicated college student: 40 Foot Marshmallow Bazooka.  I’ll just have to save The Flying Alarm Clock for her birthday.

I am so excited.  This is going so well.  Maybe this is the year I can Make A Memory with my three-year-old grandson – check out this life-sized doll of Yoda Santa.  Don’t you think it’s just the COOLEST?!

NOW I can relax with some Sleepy-Time